


Waking Up

by TheTartWitch



Series: You may say I'm a dreamer (but I'm not the only one) [1]
Category: The Avengers
Genre: Asexual Loki, Canon Divergence, Flashbacks, Loki Is Good, M/M, Misunderstandings, Wooing by Thor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-10 08:10:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5577997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTartWitch/pseuds/TheTartWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is awoken on top of STARK Tower by Thor and is horrified to realize what he's done. Then comes the rehabilitation by Thor's side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loki wakes up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wakes up.

He doesn't remember how he got here, to this roof with a Thor almost in tears gripping the front of his robes. To look around he almost imagines he's in the war the Chitauri described to him, but that's impossible. He refused to join them, didn't he?  

Thor slams him against the balcony of what appears to be Ironman's tower again and yells in his ear about how  _they can fix things_ and  _if only you'd let me help you, brother_ but Loki's still so confused. It's around that point that he realizes it's not a dream nor a vision; Thor's eyes are not as blue as they usually are in the torturous images shown to Loki by his captors. This is reality. 

"It's too late," he gasps, blinking rapidly to hold off his own tears. "Brother, forgive me, I did not mean for this to happen." He doesn't expect Thor to believe him ( _he is the god of trickery and gilded lies meant to ensnare his prey; Thor would be a fool to trust him now, even if it is the truth_ ), but Thor's eyes search his for a moment before he nods and loosens his grip on Loki's tunic. This would be the ideal moment for Loki to slip away, to dance around his brother and taunt his weakness, but Loki is reeling and saddened somehow and he doesn’t move from his precarious position on the ledge.  

Thor taps something in his ear. "I have apprehended Loki, Director. Should I bring him to you?" Loki's body twitches but he doesn't move still; he wonders how much of what he remembers is real. Did he really escape the Chitauri? Or did he lead them here? 

He doesn’t struggle when Thor hauls his light body to his feet and hefts Mjolnir for flight.  

(0) 

He's so lost in thought in his new cage aboard SHIELD's flying craft that he almost misses the tapping on the glass behind him. He jerks a little and turns, unsure of who he's going to be facing. He feels fragile, like a single word will break him, and he wonders for a second how long he's been so broken. Was he always this way? Or did the Chitauri crush all of his shields so carefully he didn't even notice until it was too late? 

It's a man; sandy-haired, with a hard stare and an assessing gaze. He says something, but the glass is sound-proofed on this side and Loki doesn't hear a thing.  

"Hello?" Loki steps closer, carefully adjusting himself to this person. Who was he? He didn't appear to be another scientist. "Who are you?"  

The man's expression expands and Loki stares, baffled. He's unsure if that was  _bemusement, pain,_ or  _sho_ _ck_. He's not sure he wants to know. Tricks can be wonderful or cruel, but Loki much prefers the ones he does himself, without the controlling power of some alien warmongers in his mind, moving his limbs and words like a puppet on an electric string.  

His hand rests on the glass and he watches the man step forward as well, his gaze pointed and suspicious. A woman slips into place behind him like she's always been there, placing a restraining hand on the man's shoulder, and a word drops on the end of Loki's tongue like a teardrop: cold and unwelcome and something he'd much rather keep to himself.  

" _Widow_ ," he breathes, and flinches back when they burst into action. A hand migrates to his temple as they immediately back away from his suspended glass cage. 

His knees hit the floor with a noise that should probably alarm him but he's too absorbed in the  _everything_ : memories, leaking into his mind through the blockade built by guilt and pain and hope that  _maybe if I don't remember it won't be_ _real._ His eyes glaze over at the trickle of thoughts entering his conscious. 

A blast of frost coats the glass all around in shades of white and he breathes in ( _dark stone and eyeballs rolling on white marble and a hawk with a bow and resilient, lonely eyes_ )and Thor's pale palm slams into the side of the cage hard enough to break it. Spiderweb cracks spiral down to the foundation and up to the casing of the cage, and Loki feels his ice crawl out of the jagged cracks and inch towards the panicking humans and he breathes out ( _Thor's face, twisted with anger and betrayal and_ _Ironman's sassy quips and_ _the orders from above about the sceptre_ ) and finds himself cradled in Thor's arms, blinking back the encroaching fog and gasping for air. When did he stop breathing?  

It doesn’t matter. The sceptre, he has to find the sceptre and take it to - 

 _Who was he going to take it to?_  

(0) 

Thor hasn't allowed him out of his sight since the Incident and Loki can't help but realize that every single human aboard the floating fortress looks at him the way he looks at Thor when he knows the man won't notice: fearful and apprehensive and so, so careful. _One hand buried in laurels, the other wrapped 'round a weapon's hilt._  

He wonders where he's heard that before. 

He wonders when he began to wonder so many things instead of knowing them.  

(0) 

Thor has a sort of leash he ties around Loki's neck, one made of guilt and fear and the little introductions he makes where he watches Loki's face too closely to be merely curious, and those are the moments when Loki's quiet becomes sad instead of simply absent.  

Loki meets the man again and has to catch his breath when recognition hits. His knees don't buckle this time but it's a close thing, and his eyes are probably filming gold and green with his magic, but he searches this man's mind for everything he can find about himself.  

He vomits all over Thor's shoes when he sees, and his mouth drops so many apologies that when Thor gathers him up into his arms Loki's still mouthing them against the flesh of Thor's neck.  

"Clint Barton?" He says later, sitting in a chair in what appears to be the mission room. He's the only one sitting, he notices, and his instincts ( _rekindled by the Chitauri_ ) acknowledge this as a signal of dominance, no matter how unintentional. He slouches beneath their gazes. 

"Yes," the man says, not unkindly, "do you remember me?" 

Loki's eyes close briefly. "Some. My memories are not returning very quickly, but I recall a hawk that garnered my respect." He glances at Thor and sees that for most of them this will not be enough. "And the woman, the Widow, I can almost remember you. You almost woke me up, you know." He shakes his head ruefully. "Your act was quite skilled. You and I are very similar, you know." 

She doesn't move; her body seems trained towards stillness, and he smiles.  

"I don't know what you're talking about," she says, her voice cool, and he nods and stands, eyes downcast.  

"Sometimes I don't either," he murmurs, and lets Thor lead him meekly back to his newest cage. 

(0) 

Loki is visited by the Captain on a day when he chooses to stay in his cage. The man sits in a folding chair and laces his fingers together. Loki, absorbed in his book ( _The Song of Achilles_ ), slides quietly out of that small space in his head where the silence doesn't bother him and it smells like what he imagines home to smell like and smiles pleasantly at the wall across from him. The Captain frowns at Loki's profile and hums under his breath. 

"You know, they say you've changed. Or rather, that the Loki we saw was never real and that you're even more lost than the rest of us." Loki turns to face the man fully, intrigued by his topic choice but still wary of angering anyone on the ship. "I know, personally, that people can change. But I wonder if someone like you, who's had so much practice becoming someone else, even know what's real and what's not anymore." 

Loki stares. Steve's eyes move over his face curiously before sighing. "Who are you? Why would you do this? What do you profit in the long run if you pretend to be like this? Or are you simply waiting for Thor to decide your fate?" 

 _Now that is an interesting thought_ , Loki thinks, turning away from Steve contemplatively. His brow furrows.  

"Isn't that an odd question?" Loki tilts his head back, staring into the wall with eyes that aren't seeing anything anymore. "Perhaps I'm not even here. Perhaps the Chitauri knew better than to  _really_ release me, a powerful, broken weapon skilled with magic and war tactics." He smiles slowly. "Perhaps I am simply waiting for them to decide it is no longer worth keeping me alive?" 

Steve doesn't appear to know what to say to that, or maybe he's been ordered not to respond to anything Loki says, but Loki pointedly opens his book and ignores the man's retreat, all while wondering when the tug on his magic got so strong.  

(0) 

"He's a fucking  _liesmith_ , Barton, I thought we'd discussed this. Did you miss the part where he can literally talk his way out of anything?" Ironman snaps, his hands waving and arc reactor thrumming as he paces. Clint is standing in an instant to argue but Loki blocks out most of it, just leaning into Steve's arms and trying not to miss Thor's annoying warmth. The quickening loss of magic is making him weak physically and drained mentally, but he doesn't say anything to the Avengers. Weakness means death, and Thor isn't there to defend him from the growling predators on his heels. 

"Loki?" Natasha asks, voice still cold but eyes watching him with concern. "Are you alright?" His eyes fall open on Steve's shoulder but before he can answer, Thor's arrival is announced and he is quickly handed over to the god. He buries his face in his brother's nape and attempts to relax.  

That night, as he tries to fall asleep and finds it frighteningly easy, he whispers in Thor's ear the place where the Chitauri have hidden the real body of Loki Laufeyson. And as Thor sits up in a blind, rushing panic and grasps desperately at whatever he can reach of Loki, the slender man disappears into a puddle of wrinkled sheets and dented pillow. 

(0) 

He's too weak; drained to the point where even moving becomes an excessive waste of resources. He's barely conscious of the voices around him, or the roar that accompanies a hand in his long, long hair.  

"If he has perished at the hands of the Chitauri I shall hunt down every single one that remains and destroy them!" Thor howls, and Loki gasps for breath, for life, for magic. Instantly, a warm palm cups his jaw as the other lifts him gently from the bed he's been wasting away in. 

"What's wrong with him? He looks perfectly healthy," Tony gripes, and someone uses a ponytail holder to bunch up Loki's hair and keep it together in a high ponytail.  

"Magic depletion." Thor says gravely, snarling under his breath as he adds, "they've been draining him. I don't understand why, but no doubt he'll be able to tell us when he has woken. For now, let us return to the aircraft." 

(0) 

When Loki first is able to open his eyes, he finds himself nose-to-nose with a startled Thor and a roomful of gaping Avengers. He dives backward, realizing with a stinging tug that his hair has grown several feet and is weighing on his head most annoyingly.  

"My body was merely trying to reconnect with a source of power." He growls at the shocked faces around him, turning stiffly towards a wall and gathering as much of his hair in his arms as he can. He doesn't mention that Thor has about as much magic as a Midgardian hedgehog, though he's certain that's simply because he's distracted and they wouldn't understand anyway. Thor may be a god, but he's not a  _magical_ god. "I am fine now. Leave." He may be brusque, but none of them say a word as they trickle out the door. He catches Clint watching him knowingly and flushes. 

He was  _not_ kissing Thor because he felt safe with Thor, or because he wanted more than this 'brothership' farce Thor had created to make them feel connected. That was absurd. 

(0) 

He's unprepared for Thor's sudden  _odd_ behavior. After successfully banishing the kissing incident from his mind, Loki begins finding flowers scattered about his room (no cage this time. Stark Tower was their new living space and Tony refused to shove god-proof glass into a perfectly good living space), strange ramblings about eyes and skies left on his pillow like a dead mouse, and Thor's smiles. 

Odin, Thor's  _smiles._ They made Loki want to strangle him. 

They weren't directed at anyone in particular, but somehow that only seemed to infuriate Loki more. Who was this mortal who had managed to capture his brother's attention? Were they deserving of his affection?  

He consulted Clint, because the man wouldn't judge him for the faults of others (namely Thor, who couldn't clean up his frankly disturbing hobbies himself), but the man suddenly began to giggle and every time Loki attempted to bring up the topic again Clint would burst into what were apparently mocking renditions of a quaint mortal love song. 

Asking Natasha bore no fruits either. She listened to his story and then asked him if he'd simply asked Thor.  

"No I have not!" He exclaimed, rubbing his forehead tiredly. "It is enough trouble cleaning it all up, I do not feel the desire to listen to his nonsense as he tries to explain it. I simply want a very easy answer. Can you not give that to me?"  

"No. Just talk to him." 

"Gah!" 

(0) 

In the end, it is Thor who approaches Loki. 

"Brother," he says, and Loki can just tell it is the beginning of a tiresome and annoying conversation so he flops onto the communal couch in the Tower's living room and props his chin on his palm. "I have been leaving you gifts of flowers and notes." He bounced on his heels like a child. 

"I am aware," Loki murmurs dryly. Thor wilts a bit but continues. 

"This is a Midgardian ritual Natasha informed me of." He says nervously, tucking his fists together behind his back and making Loki instantly suspicious.  _No wonder Natasha had been so adamant he speak to Thor. She was in on it the whole time._ "It is usually performed between individuals who are courting."  

Loki stares. His anger grows in his chest. 

"What?" He says, very, very quietly. Thor falters in his enthusiasm, looking a little crestfallen but mostly confused. "A courting ritual?" 

"Yes..." 

"And you have been practicing it on me?!" Loki shouts, sitting up straighter and giving Thor his best glare.  

"Well, yes... I mean no!" 

"Who are they?" Loki asks, his voice deadly still. Thor pauses in his fumbling and says, "Who?" 

"This mortal you are practicing for! Who are they?" Loki is trying very hard to be unaware of the tears dripping off of his cheekbones as he turns away from Thor.  

"There is no mortal!" Thor shouts, grabbing Loki's shoulder and turning him to face the thunder god. "Loki, it is you. I realize now that perhaps flowers and notes were not the best choice but I have never really courted before and I was unsure how to go about it with you and..." 

Loki is no longer listening. He stopped listening at the part where Thor apparently confessed to him. 

He is so glad the Avengers are not present. 

He leans his face into Thor's chest, ignoring the way Thor's breath catches and his voice stops and says clearly, "Thor, I love you. Now be silent."  

Thor smiles. 

(0) 

They are both asleep together on that couch when the Avengers come home from kicking villain butt and Tony may post a few pictures on Instagram before Pepper orders him to take them down.


	2. Clint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint's point of view for a bit. Just wanted to write this. ^^;

Clint remembers the blue film that covered everything after Loki's sceptre touched him. The thoughts that filled his mind, pushing all of his own into a dark corner, were dark and methodical, showing him exactly what he needed to do to escape freedom, and the steps were the only way things could be done; but now, looking back on his behavior under the blue, he felt betrayed and disgusted with himself. He had almost hurt Natasha. 

Looking back on that time, he can almost sympathize with Loki's terror at facing his memories; after all, Clint wasn't the figurehead of an alien invasion after being tortured by those same aliens, and he'll  _still_ have nightmares for months.  

He looks across the room now, at a Loki absorbed in the Percy Jackson series (they thought he should branch out a bit and read some funny stuff) and asks himself if he truly believes Loki is still that malicious, practically engaged as he and Thor are. 

And isn't that a kicker? Turns out Thor and Loki aren't exactly as brotherly as they would have everyone believe. In fact, they're soon-to-be-married houseguests now, and Fury's working on getting a contract out of Loki so if any more trouble springs up and they need his help, Loki'll get paid for his services. (Fury's being unusually kind with this one; they're still waiting for the other boot to drop.) 

The therapy isn't really helping, though. Talking to someone who wasn't there with him in the Blue doesn't make him comfortable, and he tells Natasha that but she doesn't have the authority to get the jackass to back off (and Fury won't think it's worth his time worrying about it). 

" _Loki_ doesn't have a therapist,"Clint complains to Thor, who chuckles. 

"The first time that man stepped foot in our rooms, Loki froze his shoes together and left him in the penthouse bathroom naked." Thor beamed proudly. "Upon meeting the man, I agree that it was the correct way to handle the situation, and quite traumatizing for the victim too, I'd imagine." 

Clint didn't really have a response to that. He was too busy thinking of a way to top it. 

(0) 

The next time the annoying man with the top hat comes around, Clint spends the whole visit staring at him with unnerving intensity, trying to imagine what he'd look like upside down on the top of the Tower hyped up on laughing gas. Then he pictured Stark's face when he discovered it (it would be something similar to his face when he screamed at Loki for the nakedness). The end of the meeting came about ten minutes later when he couldn't stop laughing hysterically. 

(0) 

"So I hear you alienated your therapist," Tony giggled, leaning against Clint's door. Natasha smirked from Clint's couch, her eyes glued to Clint'sTVwhere his therapist was crying in the communal bathroom being comforted by Steve. It was indeed hilarious. "Didn't you say something about his underpants always being too small? I was watching on Jarvis's cameras. Were you aiming for the pants-peeing? 'Cuz that was  _my_ favorite part, personally." 

Natasha started heaving with the force of her laughter, shaking his couch and dumping her orange juice all over his hardwood.  

"Nat. That's my floor." Clint pointed at her with a raised eyebrow. "I don't know, Tony, I think the part about being 'the king of kittens' was pretty powerful too." 

Tony scratched his neck and shrugged, snagging a beer out of Clint's custom Hawkeye fridge.  

(0) 

"So, look." Clint begins awkwardly, and Loki looks up over his book. "I don't hate you. I mean, I remember you telling me to do all these things that my morality kind of argues against now, but the whole time I also remember that you were encouraging in a good way, too. How _your_ eyes were just as blue as mine." 

Loki is sitting frozen, apparently shocked by this statement, but Clint is already rushing ahead. "Also, I heard what you did to your therapist and how it actually made him get a therapist for  _himself_ , and I just wanted to compare notes with you 'cuz Fury's saddled me with one too, and he's tenacious. Whaddaya say?" 

Loki's smile is so familiar it aches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel personally that if Loki were ever of the state of mind to want to reform, Clint's acceptance would be pretty important to him. I dunno.


	3. Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Started this and decided to post it. I don't really like the ending all that much (or the beginning), but here you go. May it bring you joy and happiness as you read the angst. ^^;

Steve doesn't really have an opinion on the whole Loki-is-repenting thing. True, he did have to give Loki that speech on motivations but really that was just fed to him by Fury to determine Loki's mindset. It wasn't  _him_.  

The only ones who seem to agree with him on this are Bruce Banner and their sometimes-guest, Peter Parker. Steve's not sure when  _that_ happened but he's decided it's none of his business until they tell him themselves, too.  

All in all, everyone seems to be pairing off and Steve's still alone in  _that_ respect, but it doesn't really bother him. Or it wouldn't, if he could find someone else who wasn't in a relationship in the Tower. 

He took to taking long walks by himself in front of the Tower, and every once in a while he sits by himself in the public library with Loki (who's mercifully silent on the subject of Steve's speech) and watches cars and people go by. Every Tuesday he orders a hot chocolate from the barista at the perk desk, and Loki gets an Ande's mint peanut butter brownie (odd tastes, but oh well). 

One Saturday, while Loki sits primly on a beanbag armchair reading Maggie Stiefvater and slowly devouring a large plate of chocolate cheesecake, Thor shows up in a rush. He's frenzied, searching the library for them without them even noticing until he gets to the floor below them and Loki blushes. 

"Thor is near," he explains, and closes his book after marking his page. Steve doesn't ask how he can tell; judging from that crimson streak across his new friend's face it's very, very dirty and Steve doesn't want any part of  _that_. 

They stand and make their way to the stairs, and just as they begin down Thor bursts into the hallway of steps and stops, eyes wide and panicked. 

"Loki!" He shouts, and Loki flinches a little, looking worried and confused and a little frightened. Steve understands that part: Loki can handle almost any physical attack Thor could unleash, but the emotional strain is almost too much. "You are safe!"  

"What?" The two of them say, a little stupidly, and a librarian walks up looking flustered but apparently decides that Thor in full battle armor is not someone he wants to tell to be quiet.  

(0) 

"So Fury mentioned something about Chitauri stragglers hanging around and being dealt with by operatives, and you overreacted." Steve said, half unbelieving. Thor didn't act very godly when thinking of Loki. 

Thor smiled around Loki's head. "Yes."  

The two of them were perched on the couch in the living room of the Tower, Loki seated sideways on Thor's lap so his head could rest on Thor's right shoulder while reading. He was obviously uninvested in the conversation now that Thor had explained, and was simply cuddling. Steve didn't want to consider the amount of time it must have taken for the two to get this comfortable around each other in public, much less how long they'd been doing this in private. 

But he didn't think Loki was fooling Thor. They both looked too happy for that.

**Author's Note:**

> This 'verse is definitely going to be continued, or at the very least explored. Also, Pepper may be Tony's nanny but she is most definitely not his partner. The Avengers are so gay in my head, it's hilarious . And yes, I do plan on doing a dog pile and cuddle session fic in this 'verse, because they all deserve it, so stick around for that. :)


End file.
